I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
