Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
