Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
