There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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