Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
