I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
