Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh god it's open bar.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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