Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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