I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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