I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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