dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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