My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
