The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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