Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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