I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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