The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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