i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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