Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
