Cold hands, warm shart.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
