This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
