we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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