bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
