new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
