i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
