Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
