you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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