he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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