i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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