i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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