What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
