I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
