Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
