the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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