The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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