After last night, I could never be a politician.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
