Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.