some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!