Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later