the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
