Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
