capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
