oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
