There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
