Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
