I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
