What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I supernannyed him into submission
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
