tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How naked do you want me to be?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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