better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
