did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
