remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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