my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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