I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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