Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I supernannyed him into submission
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
