just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize