the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
