I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
