The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
