I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
